Chapter: World Trees.
Life is an eternal struggle
to be happy, and to achieve this we have to live in peace and surrounded by beauty. For me, to be surrounded by my things - be furniture, paintings and objects from around the world that have memories for me, by my clothe that have seen decades of my life
- is a necessity to my emotional balance. And then, the people that surround us, near or far, may not have the power to disturb or even to cause vibrations to the air that involve us.
There are some people though, with whom it is almost impossible to relate, without perceiving toxic emanations to the air we breathe. But I just can’t eliminate them completely
from my life because I feel that if I do so I will have failed to succeed in something. For instance, my brother and sister have both judged me to be something that I do not believe I am. Would it be easier to give up on them? Maybe. But I can’t. By
so doing I will have failed to be able have harmony with my siblings.
It is strange how I still struggle to
make peace with my father on the subject that cause us to distance from each other. I do it through my dreams. I have often dreamed of my father and I still arguing about my refusal to work with him and instead to live in England. I recently dreamt that I
had negotiated with father that I would work with him but I would spend each three-month period alternating between Belo and London.
I proposed to him that during the months that I was away I would be present online, and for video conference whenever it was necessary, which would give continuance to my work. It is a pity that such an arrangement was not possible at the time when we needed,
because I think that it would have worked. I still hate to think of my father becoming unhappy with me. We always loved each other so much.
Now, as far as Hades’s family, I tread carefully. While I refuse to be ostracised I cannot forget the hatred, the horror and the threats that went on. Maybe I suffer from vanity, or I am just pragmatic and want to have the best from all sides. But I
do not want to be, or to be seen, as someone who did not conquer the whole world upon which I touched. I do not accept to be judged as someone who was thought as a bad person. Vanity, all is vanity.
But Hades has again become devilish. He persecutes people and has also insulted others, who now
go in absolute terror of him. And meanwhile I think to myself – I have seen it all before. He screams that people have to respect him. He disagrees about everything as he is each day more obsessed about his fear of being alone. So, he rages and
roars so loud that even the skies could hear him.